“I can’t believe that you would go through my phone! Who does that sort of thing?” It was not an honest question, nor a legitimate response to his wife. Julia had discovered that Darren was texting an old girlfriend and when she confronted him about it he was offended by her snooping. The offense was not real but a tactic to avoid dealing with his sin. When our sin is exposed we will either respond with repentance or character assassination.
Character assassination refers to our capacity to destroy someone’s integrity and reputation. Often, it is a defense tactic intended to throw doubt on their accusation of us. If you expose my sin then I will attempt to discredit your discovery by highlighting your bad character. Darren wanted to shift the conversation away from his sin to his wife’s snooping. She was the one who was really at fault. She was the one who really had bad character…or at least her character wasn’t any better than his. After all, who invades their spouse’s privacy like that. But of course she had legitimate reason to be suspicious and her discovery revealed deep sin. Darren just wasn’t ready to admit it yet, so he attacked her character.
The Apostle Paul sets “slander” and a lack of self-control next to one another in one of his vice lists. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 we read:
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
Paul is warning his young disciple that there will come a time when people will not tolerate the Word of the Lord. They will reject it and will display all kinds of wicked character. But in the midst of this list we see the words “slanderous” and “without self-control.” These two attributes often go hand in hand.
A lack of self-control leads to all kinds of sin and impulsiveness. But when that sin is threatened, when your wickedness is exposed, then you resort to slandering the one who discovered it. If you can’t hide your sin then you will discredit the one who discovered it.
Consider your own experience. Brad Hambrick asks a compelling question of us all when he invites us to ponder when we have be willing to malign someone else’s character in order to protect our sin (Overcoming Addiction, 53). What is it that you fear in the exposure of your sin? Why is your sin so precious to you that you would rather condemn the character of one trying to bring it into the light? It is true, of course, that we all have things we need to work on and ways in which we can grow and improve. If, however, your critique of another only comes on the heels of their pointing out some sinful tendency or pattern in you, then you are not offering legitimate critique. You are being defensive and attempting to avoid accountability.
When sin is exposed you have two options: repentance or avoidance. “When people won’t believe our lies, we either have to tell the truth or vilify them. Either we’re wrong, or they’re mean, harsh, rude, legalistic, intrusive, etc.” (Hambrick, Ibid.). How do you respond to the revelation of your sin? If you are prone to attack other’s, let this be an opportunity to repent. It is your character, not theirs, which needs to be addressed first (Matt. 7:5). Respond to the revelation of your sin, friends, with repentance not character assassination.
Pastor Dave Online 