The loneliness epidemic did not skip over the church, but has found its way even into our walls. As a pastor, Jeremy Linneman knows this dynamic. He has heard the broken hearted many times explaining their feelings of loneliness and isolation, even as members of the church. Such conversations raised within him a desire to understand the phenomenon and help Christians everywhere address it. In this short book he provides an apt analysis of the problem and some practical guidance for individuals. The book is excellent, but it is better at describing the problem than it is at describing the solution to it.
Why Do We Feel Lonely at Church? is part of The Gospel Coalition’s series Hard Questions. The question feels different some of the other questions in this series, but it is an important question to wrestle with and one deserving of a response. It is a short book, sitting at just 45 pages, but it is full of great insight and analysis on the problem.
Like many other authors and researchers, Linneman traces the roots of our loneliness back to the pervasive acceptance of individualism as a core value of America culture. “Loneliness is the unsurprising symptom of an individualist society” (8). But he notes that there are a variety of contributing and exacerbating factors. Some of these will seem obvious (COVID), but his discussion of the loss of “middle ring” relationships was particularly insightful. There were many points in his work that I resonated with and felt. In such a short book he did a great job of exploring the causes of our loneliness.
When it comes to giving guidance on solving our problem, however, his answers were rather standard fare. They focused on our responsibility to reach out instead of waiting on others, the need to slow down our busy schedules, and the call to invite people into activities we are already doing. These are indeed good pieces of advice, and yet many lonely people will feel that this is exactly what they do. The individualized efforts to address loneliness are well known, often repeated, and indeed true enough. But fighting individualism with more individualist responses is not sufficient. Part of the issue is that if the cure of loneliness is only an individualized plan of action, it requires that everyone do their part. But, as my wife has so aptly put it, if I choose to get off the merry-go-round of life and nobody else gets off with me then I wind up still alone (only now I have nothing to do). Addressing loneliness certainly must include individual action, but it has to include more help at the cultural level. We have to strategize for ways to impact our culture with change, even if it’s just the culture of our church. The cure of loneliness needs more.
I actually really liked this tiny book. And maybe with more space Linneman might have been able to explore bigger ideas on how to treat loneliness. If it falls short in recommending a hopeful plan to address loneliness, it still does a good job of discussing the issue. I’d recommend Why Do We Feel Lonely at Church? as a great conversation starter, even if it leaves more to be desired.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 