The idea that sexual assault can happen within marriage is shocking to some. The way that many have been taught to think about sex, even from within the church, suggests that sex is a right that husbands, particularly, are entitled to whenever they want it. Poor teaching on 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 reiterates this idea, stating that since a wife’s body belongs to her husband he is free to do with it what he wants. God’s design for sex, however, undercuts any notion of sex-on-demand.
Sexual assault within marriage is far more common than many realize. The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence did a major research project which found that 10-14% of married women have been raped by their husbands. The stats are probably low as many women struggle to view forced or coerced sex with their spouse as abusive. In homes where other forms of domestic violence exist (especially verbal or physical) sexual assault increases to 45% in such cases. It’s a startling statistic and the church needs to be highly aware of this reality. If we are not aware and attentive to this dynamic we will likely, if unintentionally, support abusive men in their thinking and entitlement as it relates to sex in marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 is a key verse on the issue of sexual relations in marriage. Paul is writing here about issues of sex, marriage, and temptation. He notes in particular that because of temptation it is better for a man to marry and fulfill his desires for sex within the proper boundaries. Within marriage, he adds, husbands and wives should not deprive one another of sex. Sex is a “conjugal right” and therefore it should not be used to gain leverage over your spouse or withheld to punish them. There are good and important truths here about sex, temptation, and marital intimacy. 1 Corinthians 7 does not teach us all we need to know about sex from within the Bible, but it does give us some important truths. What tends to happen, however, is we read our own assumptions into the text and we often focus primarily on one side of this relational dynamic. This leads us to a reductionist understanding of “conjugal rights” and a reductionist application of the principle within marriage.
Let’s say a few things here about what Paul isn’t saying before we clarify what he is saying. For starters, Paul is not saying that one spouse is responsible for how another spouse responds to sexual temptation. Abusive spouses will sometimes suggest that if they watch pornography, if they commit adultery, or if they struggle with lust then it is their partner’s fault. “If you gave me more sex I wouldn’t have to do these things,” some spouses will say. Paul does not teach that, nor does the Bible as a whole. Each person is responsible for their own sin (see Luke 6:45; 2 Cor. 5:10; Gal. 6:5). Sin comes from the heart of sinners, not from the circumstances in which they find themselves.
Secondly, this text does not teach that marital responsibility is a one-way street. We often hear this passage taught as though a woman’s body does not belong to her and therefore her husband has rights to do with it what he wants. But the text as a whole paints a much more mutual picture. A husbands body does not belong to him either. If a wife does not want her husband to use his body in a specific way, or at a specific time it is her right to say, “no.” Abusive husbands paint the picture from one vantage point and reduce the teaching of Scripture significantly. Sex-on demand is not a conjugal right. Sex within Biblical marriages involves mutuality.
Sex is about intimacy. God designed sex to reflect relational intimacy, and particularly the relational intimacy that He shares with His bride. So, in that famous passage on marriage, Paul teaches that husbands and wives are to love each other in a way that points to the gospel-love of Christ for the church (Ephesians 5:31-32). Sexual intimacy, then, should support that presentation of self-sacrifical love. Jesus does not force himself on His bride. Jesus does not coerce, manipulate, pressure, badger, or harass his bride. Jesus does not punish His bride, degrade her, or use her. His love is the model for every aspect of our earthly marital love.
The church needs to reevaluate how we teach, and particularly how we apply the principles of 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. There is a great truth in these texts about mutual responsibility to preserve the integrity of sexual intimacy. It is not a text that should ever be used to shame, coerce, or manipulate wives into providing sex in every way a husband wants, and every time a husband wants. Sexual assault can, and does, happen within marriages. The Bible never condones such behavior, and the church shouldn’t, even if unintentionally, do so either.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 
I have to disagree about what you say about the intimacy in a marriage , because of teachers like yourself , you give women the idea that they can use there body’s to control men , because you know why Paul wrote this : women had already figured out that men’s hormones are different for females and the Corinthian women were like I don’t have to have sex with my husband , but at the same time men gets very frustrated with their wife because a women says that her satisfaction is just on feelings , and don’t care that their husband’s satisfaction comes from touch , site and physical affection, I agree that a man should control his desires , but this is why Paul spent time teaching why sex is very important to keep one’s desire in check so we won’t have to go else where , so if a wife decides that she can withhold sex for reasons besides medical , I speak for myself ,and you can respond with what ever you want but I really enjoy sex , that’s why I got married, if sex was out of the picture , why would a man want to get married , support someone that’s refuses him , that refuses intimacy: your answer should reflect this instead of trying to play with the real meaning of Paul’s teaching , thank you for taking time to do Gods work , I never question a persons salvation or their calling , but I feel you are just trying to appease the female when in so many places it plain that a man should honor and cherish , and love his wife as Christ loves his people , but teach women how it works in return for the man’s love and keeps his promise to her , that she should be taught that in return she should take care of her husbands desires as long as it does not hurt or cause her to sin , love you brother as agape love
Nobody has a right to expect sex from their spouse. If you got married for sex, it was the wrong reason.
Then why get married?
So you say, “does not coerce, manipulate, pressure, badger, or harass…” but what if the wife says that she never wants to have sex ever again. This ends up in a sexless marriage, not what the scriptures instruct. If the husband clarifies the scripture and says she has a duty to perform, isn’t this a form of manipulation and pressuring? So you can’t manipulate or pressure, and she refuses, so the only solution is divorce. Not what the scripture instructs.
There is usually a very good reason why a woman will not want to have sex with her husband. When you just focus on bits of it, that is called Cherry picking and weaponizing scripture, to suit one’s own agenda. NOT the way Christ taught or lead. Realize that women also very much do enjoy intimate sex, that is the fruit preceded by love and intimacy. If you think that manipulation is the way to get sex, because “you’re not getting your needs met“, you have missed the mark. You need to do some inner work and realize that no one human can stop you from being tempted. That is from within you, not a woman’s responsibility. Ask yourself this, if she is not wanting to have sex with you, is it because she is a selfish woman? Even though, she most likely very much does enjoy sexual intimacy. You will reap you sew. What are you pouring into her, in the way that Christ loved the church? That you think you are “deserving” of sexual intimacy? Have you met her emotional needs? Do you make it a point to connect with her? Do you watch pornography? It’s kind of a simple natural result of intimately, connecting with someone on an emotional level, before taking it to the next step with physical intimacy. I’m not pointing fingers, just asking questions.
and how do you figure that? In verse 7 he says the idea of marriage is a concession not a command, not what the rules are in the marriage.
I agree with the other commenters here. I do think that what you are trying to do here is honorable and abuse should not be tolerated. I think your interpretation is incorrect. Sex on demand is biblical but abuse is a sinful response to the sin of sexual refusal.
If you demand sex, you are abusive. Period.
I’m confused here. I read the passage as you will be having sex unless not having sex is agreed upon by both party’s. correct me if I’m wrong but if one side wants sex an the other doesn’t you are not in agreement an you are commanded to have sex. any insight is appreciated. Thank you.
Paul very clearly says that what he said is not a command.
he was referring to getting married in the first place. Reread it.
Problems in marriages is founded in complete deviation from the original manual provided by the creator and the originator of Mariage
I am not a saint. I have been married for years, I have been tempted to seek alternative mean of satisfying my sexual desires most often. I have often felt I am not getting enough from my spouse. But the Holy Spirit and the grace of God has kept me through.
Life is more than SEX, and as God’s children, who is heavily focused, the questions to consider are:
I am not advocating sexual starvation in marriage, neither am I advocating sex by demand. Marriage is a sacred institution and God should be allowed to rule the heart of both spouses; by the HolySpirit, the only way both can enjoy a marriage where prayers are answered (1Pet 3: 7) and where Godly children are raised (Mal 2:15)
May God grace through the Lord Jesus keep our Mariage, and blameless.
Something else is at play here, and I don’t understand why it’s being missed. No man sexually assaulted his wife like a brute animal for no reason. I submit to you the man is bound in sexual sin and pornography. He’s not assaulting his wife, he’s fulfilling a fantasy. He’s assaulting every bimbo he has watched in pornographic movies