Uncomfortable Grace: Sometimes It Hurts

I have painted my theology onto my body. There are two core beliefs which I need to be reminded of every moment of every day. On one arm I have the image of a sparrow. It’s there to remind me that God is sovereign over all things, and just as he cares for the birds so will he care for me (Matthew 6:26). On the other arm is the image of a heart with a bullet going through it. Admittedly this image is less tied to a particular passage of Scripture. It relates to a letter Catholic author Flannery O’Connor once wrote to a friend regarding the death of her father. She said that while she knew God was in control, and that everything God does is an act of grace, she admitted that sometimes God’s grace feels like a bullet through the heart. This image is a reminder to me that not only is God in control of all things, but he’s in control of even the painful things. It’s a reminder that even these painful things are a gift of grace. This is such an odd thing to say for us because we don’t think that way. The truth, however, is that grace is sometimes painful.

This is so foreign to us because we so often think primarily about our own safety, comfort, and pleasure. These are the values of our kingdom and so we think for God to show us grace means to grant us these things. Anything other than this can’t possibly be of value, we tell ourselves. But God wants us to pursue a different kingdom, one higher and more glorious than ours. In so doing he will sometimes gracious disrupt our living to direct us upward, out of ourselves. This is grace, but it’s not comfortable grace (see “The Value of a Tired Soul“). We find evidence of such grace in the Scriptures. One particular scene comes to mind regarding the disciples.

In Mark 6:45-52 we read the famous scene of Jesus walking on the water. The setting of this miracle, however, is worthy of greater attention. We often skim over the details to highlight the profound act of Christ. But there is a context and it matters to the understanding of the story as a whole. We find here the disciples rowing across the Sea of Galilee in the midst of what is a terrible storm. Verse 48 says they were “making headway painfully.” As Paul David Tripp says of the disciples, “They’re facing an impossible headwind, they’re facing angry seas. If you look at the large time inclusion of the passage they are probably rowing for eight hours. They were way beyond their strength, they were way beyond their ability. They have a situation that is futile, and exhausting, and potentially dangerous.” And we ask of this setting, “how did the disciples get here.” The answer comes to us in verse 45. Jesus put them in this difficult, dangerous, painful situation.

Jesus, because he loves his disciples, because he loves us, puts us in painful situations. He did the same thing with Paul. In 2 Corinthians 12:7 Paul tells the church that God gave him a “thorn in the flesh.” He goes on to call it a “messenger of Satan to torment me.” God gave Paul a “messenger of Satan to torment” him. That does not seem like the God we often think of, does it? That seem strange, foreign, and outrageous. But there it is in Scripture. God gave Paul pain. The text explains why he did this: to keep me from exalting myself. God loves Paul so much that he is willing to harm him, in order to keep him from the path of idolatry. That’s an amazing kind of love, a difficult love for us – in our self-absorbed mindset – to understand. God has done this same thing in my own life too. For years God would not let me move on in ministry. He would not let me find a church that could support my family and provide me with the ministry opportunities I so desperately wanted. He did this for my good, because I needed to grow and learn and put particular sins to death. God taught me amazing things about myself in that season. He taught me amazing things about himself when he put us in a situation where our two-year old daughter had to have spinal surgery. He taught me even more profound things about himself when he put me in a painful situation where my father died while I was still miles away. God breaks bones, the Scriptures say (Psalm 51:8). God loves us and causes us pain because he is gracious.

“God will take you where you haven’t chosen to go in order to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own.” That’s how Paul Tripp explains the message of Mark 6:45-52. I like that explanation. It resonates so clearly not simply with the text, but with my own life. You see there’s an important lesson that the disciples need to learn. Verse 52 explains why the disciples are astounded by Jesus’ walking on water. We might be inclined to say they were astounded because the act itself is…well, obviously astounding. But Mark records that the disciples are astounded because “they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.” The disciples have just seen Jesus feed five thousands people with a single loaf of bread, but they refuse to accept what that event reveals about Jesus. Their hearts are hardened. Jesus sends them out on the stormy sea to soften their hearts. He puts them in a painful, dangerous, difficult situation because he loves them. This is grace! They don’t deserve his help. They don’t deserve his aid in helping them grow and understand and see more clearly their self-righteousness, and see more clearly his gloriousness. But Jesus, because he loves them, sends them out on the sea.

Grace is not always a soft pillow. Grace is not always a cool breeze. Sometimes grace is a stormy sea. Sometimes grace is a messenger of Satan sent to torment us. Sometimes grace is excruciating, painful, and hard. Sometimes grace is uncomfortable. Always grace is what we need, but not what we deserve. Even the painful situation is a gift from God to help us grow in our conformity to Christ. We don’t deserve that, but he gives it to us. Sometimes he gives it to us with accompanying pain. Sometimes grace feels like a bullet through the heart. Thank God that he shoots us when he does.

*Image source: http://uncomfortablegracedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/cropped-grace2.jpg