There’s only so much time in the life of a pastor. You have to pick and choose what you spend your time studying. Everyone has that one book that “you just have to read.” And yet you can’t spend your time reading everyone’s favorite book. So when I say that Rid of My Disgrace is a book every pastor must read know that I don’t speak lightly.
The truth is that this is a book you don’t know you need to read, I didn’t. According to the Holcombs, however, “One in four woman and one in six men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetimes” (p.31). Those numbers tell us that within our churches there must be victims of assault. I never thought about such things until I started pastoring my current church. And since then I have met numerous young women who have experienced sexual assault at various stages of their life. This book is just the tool that pastors need to introduce them to helping and caring for these victims.
Justin and Lindsey have broken down their treatment of the subject into three parts. Part one addresses the nature of sexual assault. Here the authors answer two focused questions: what is sexual assault, and what are the effects of sexual assault. The subject of part one is what the authors call “disgrace.” They write:
Disgrace destroys, causes pain, deforms, and wounds. It alienates and isolates. Disgrace makes you feel worthless, rejected, unwanted, and repulsive, like a persona non grata (a “person without grace”). Disgrace silences and shuns. (p. 14-15)
Part one unpacks the statistics. They begin with a proper definition of sexual assault, stating that, “A definition that is too narrow can cause some victims of assault and those who should be supporting them to downplay the experience” (p. 27). They move quickly to discuss the prevalence of sexual assault and the effects of it. They are honest about the nature of the trauma and the psychological effects of it.
But the primary goal of the authors is not simply to give us information about sexual assault. Justin Holcomb is himself a pastor for Mars Hill Church, and his wife Lindsey has worked as a sexual assault crisis center. Both counsel men and women on a regular basis. Their desire in this book is very much pastoral. Part two of the book focuses on the application of grace to the various results of sexual assault.
Chapters 4-9 apply the gospel to specific results of a victim’s trauma: denial, distorted self-image, shame, guilt, anger, and despair. Interlaced with stories from real victims, these chapters apply the gospel to real hurts in order to bring real healing.This section of the book can be a tremendous resource. Though it is written largely with the victim in mind, it can provide great help to counselors too. In each chapter the Holcombs are thoroughly gospel-centered. They refuse to bend to the pressure of self-help psychologies. They write:
Research shows that self-help actually results in self-harm. Self-help statements have been found to be ineffective and even harmful because “they may even backfire, making some people feel worse rather than better.” If the positive self-statement does not “stick,” the result is to return to one’s original negative self-perception and hold it more strongly…The rejection of simplistic self-esteem enhancement methods is not because we want you to continue in self-loathing but because something better exists. (72-73)
That something better, according to the authors, is the gospel of Jesus Christ who provides hope and healing. Whether addressing self-image or anger the authors turn us again and again to the person of Jesus and the pages of Scripture.
The final division of the book, Part 3, is a Biblical theological response to sexual assault. The authors trace the storyline of redemption from the original “Shalom” in the garden, through the fall, and then into the consummated Kingdom. In this division they are unpacking what the Bible says about sexual assault and what the hope of the future says about its end.
The book as a whole is a great tool. And though many of us will find it difficult to squeeze into our reading lists, the odds are that if you are a pastor or you are in Christian counseling you will need this resource. You don’t know it yet, but if the reality of sexual assault is as prevalent and traumatic as Justin and Lindsey Holcomb say it is, you will need this book sooner or later. Rid of My Disgrace just might help you serve your people better, pastor. I cannot commend it enough.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 