A Theology of Sex: Power Eroticized

Sexual sin is rarely about sex. In fact a great amount of sexual sin is simply about power. The abuse of sex can provide men with a sense of respect, and provide women with an illusion of control. But it is not ultimately the lust for sex which attracts abusers; it is the lust for power. In many cases power itself is eroticized and this spells disaster for sexual relationships.

Because lust never satisfies it is constantly evolving. It changes its appearance constantly because the demand for satisfaction requires new experiences. So Tim Chester describes the evolution of hardcore pornography into increasingly more violent forms. He writes:

Meanwhile, hardcore porn has evolved and is increasingly dominated by the sadomasochistic themes of forced sex, ejaculations on women’s faces, and angry anal sex, all involving scripts fusing sex with hatred and humiliation.

Sex, in these types of repulsive scenarios is simply a device for communicating the real lust for power, control, and dominance. It is not about sexual intimacy, about “making-love,” nor is it about bodily urges. After all what healthy human being has the bodily urge to strangle another person, tie them up, or slap them around. These aren’t sexual urges, they are sinful urges. They are the urges of a lust for power.

And the problem here is not just that it’s a fringe experience and pursuit. Rather it is an ever-increasing impulse in sexual sin. Take for example the popularity of a book like 50 Shades of Grey. This isn’t a book about sexual health, it’s a book about control, power, and dominance. It’s not about intimacy and love, it’s about abuse. It is not a picture of God-ordained sexual expression, it is a picture of power eroticized.And with the number of sexual addicts in our culture today you can bet that some of the men and women in your church are drawn to this particular perversion. It gets worse too. Chester cites some recent research which revealed that fifty of the bestselling adult videos contained ample amounts of violence and female degradation. He writes:

Nearly half of the 304 scenes analysed contained verbal aggression, while over 88% showed physical aggression. Robert Jensen concludes: We live in a rape culture…Women are objectified and women’s sexuality is commodified. Sex is sexy because men are dominant and women are subordinate; power is eroticized.

This is a very disturbing trend. Chester points out that a number of studies have suggested that people exposed to long-term pornographic material “are significantly less sympathetic towards victims of rape.” This trend is dangerous for women everywhere, because the fictional porn that men see they want to imitate. But the danger isn’t isolated to women, it is bad for us all.

Violent and abusive sexual expressions deteriorate the real thing. Sex is about intimacy, and violence is about distance. Violent sex does not view the other partner as a person, a human being made in the image of God. Rather it views them as an object to be consumed and tossed aside. The Bible describes the rape of Tamar in 2 Samuel 13. When we read that account we see how Amnon viewed Tamar after he had finished using her. Justin Holcomb describes the account this way:

It’s clear in verses 12, 14, and 22 that Amnon’s actions of assault are violating, shaming, forceful, and humiliating. Violence permeates his words and actions. The words used to describe Amnon’s feelings and physical state express sick emotions rather than life-giving ones. According to Phyllis Trible, Amnon reduces Tamar to the state of a “disposable object.” After he assaults Tamar, Amnon command her to leave by telling his servant, “Get this woman out of my sight.” Other translations say “Throw this woman out.” Amnon barely speaks of her as a person. She is a thing Amnon wants thrown out. To him, Tamar is trash.

Regarding biblical accounts of sexual assault, Mieke Bal writes, “Rape is an expression of hatred, motivated by hate, and is often accompanied by offensive verbal language.” Amnon failed to consider Tamar as a complete person, created with dignity in the image of God. The intensity of Amnon’s desire for Tamar was matched only by the intensity with which he hated her.

No one should delude themselves either. Just because you may not call your sexual violence rape doesn’t make it any less degrading to women and to sex. It takes what God designed to breed intimacy and affection and uses it to create emotional, psychological, and social devastation. In fact the numbers of women in the porn industry who commit suicide are greater than you’d imagine. The Pink Cross Foundation has compiled a video showing 82 still photographs (just a small portion of the actual numbers) of women in the porn industry with the words of their death plastered over the photos. “Savannah died from self-inflicted gunshot wound in 1994…Kristi Lynn drove at 100 mph and died in a car accident in 1995…Anastasia Blue died from suicide overdose of Tylenol…” Whatever you call sexual assault it is not, most emphatically not, sex! Real sex, as God designed it, does not drive women to suicide.

Imagine what long-term exposure to these images does to the human soul! You begin to view all people as objects to be used and abused by you. You lose a sense of the Imago Dei. You become socially incapable of relating to women and of having a healthy sex life. You become spiritually unable to relate in heathy was to the God who opposes this sort of abuse and hatred of others. Viewing and participating in sexual violence rapes your own soul!

So much more can be said about this subject. We could discuss how Taylor Summers was murdered during a bondage scene for a porn video. We could discuss how a large majority of women involved in the porn industry are victims of sex-trafficking. We could discuss how practices like BDSM in the average bedroom are destroying marriages. We could discuss how sexual violence will be judged by God, as will abusers. But the truth is we don’t really have to, because most of us know that this is not what sex was designed for. Most people only involve themselves in sexual violence through delusional justifications. But we know, at the end of the day, this is wrong and it is dangerous. Power eroticized is bad for women, bad for sex, and bad for your soul. Whether you’re a victim or an abuser get help and get out today!