A Review of “Finding God in My Loneliness” by Lydia Brownback

It’s strange thing to critique a book you agree with, but that is what I am going to do. Finding God in My Loneliness is a fine book in many regards. There’s much in it that I agree with. In fact, Lydia Brownback’s overall thesis, that loneliness should drive us deeper into communion with God, is something I believe and teach. But the book’s underdeveloped anthropology leaves me feeling that Brownback spiritualizes the problem of loneliness in ways that distort the problem and the help lonely individuals need.

Let’s start by acknowledging the strengths of the book. Brownback writes honestly about the painful experiences of loneliness. She has a rich theology of suffering and doesn’t offer a simplistic view that merely says, “Everybody suffers, get over it.” She honors the pain. She does this because she writes from experience. She knows the pain of loneliness and gives us that insight in the book. Furthermore, the book honors who God is as the Sovereign Lord over all. God doesn’t waste our suffering and loneliness but He uses them for our good. She also reminds us that suffering is always intended to drive us to the great physician. Brownback believes in the sufficiency of God and that union with Christ is a bigger blessing than we always see. In other words, this is not a fluffy book. It’s a theologically rich work that does communicate real truth about hardship, God, and hope in Christ.

The problem, however, is that for all this good theology Brownback has an underdeveloped anthropology. She acknowledges the genuine pain of loneliness but she doesn’t seem to wrestle with the fact that God made us to be in relationship with other people. In the Garden of Eden, when Adam had a perfect relationship with God, it was the Lord Himself who said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). This is a big gap in her presentation of humans and it leads to an overly spiritualized assessment of loneliness.

It is true, of course, that loneliness should lead us deeper into relationship with God. And yet, the Bible states that we were made for human relationships and that, in some real and profound sense, relating only to God is not enough for our souls. We need human contact, human intimacy. God designed us that way. For those really struggling, then, I fear that her solutions will seem trite and simplistic. In my counseling, I certainly want to drive people to the Lord, but if I ignore their genuine need for human fellowship I will not adequately counsel them or provide help. Her treatment plan, so to speak, leans too individualistic and that is the kind of solution that only furthers the problem of loneliness.

Finding God in My Loneliness isn’t a bad book. It’s a decent work that does some things well. But in terms of adequately addressing the sources and resolutions to loneliness I think it is too reductionist. So, do I like this book? In some ways. And yet, I feel it is vitally necessary to critique a book I like.