The Bible often speaks of meaningful friendships through the language of covenants. We certainly see that with God’s relationship to humanity. We see it too in the language of marriage, as discussed in Scripture. But to the surprise of many, Scripture explores friendships through this lens as well. The concept of covenant adds valuable insight to our Biblical Friendship framework.
Most often we think of Covenants in terms of God’s committing himself to a promise with His people or with a specific person. From that dynamic we learn some important things about covenants. (1) They are relational in nature – so the key focus in Biblical covenants is the relational dynamic, not merely the expectations and duties. Yes, there are obligations and duties involved. God promises to do certain things, and Israel or the King or whomever is expected to do certain things too. But the heart of a covenant is relational: “I will be their God and they will be my people.”
(2) Covenants are serious. Covenants are often sealed in blood, or finalized by sacrifice. There is an element of saying, “May what happened to this animal sacrifice happen to me if I don’t keep my word.” Covenants were not merely words, they were legit commitments. Promises that had consequences to them.
With those elements in mind, we can read the language of 1 Samuel 18:1-4 differently. Here we have an example of a friendships covenant from Scripture. There aren’t a ton of details about this covenant here, but we do learn specific things that parallel what we see in the other covenants. We see, for example, the language of love and relationship at the heart of it. Jonathan loved David as he loved himself (v. 1). And Jonathan made a covenant because he loved David (v. 3). We also see an aspect of sacrifice. It’s not sealed in blood like others, but there is a demonstration of commitment and devotion. Jonathan gives David a royal robe and his personal sword and personal armor (v. 4). These are sacrifices and demonstrations of loyalty. This is a covenant. The text even tells us plainly that Jonathan made a “covenant” with David (v. 3).
Friendships, as the Bible paints them, require a serious level of commitment and promise. Consider, for example Proverbs 17:17. How does this text describe what a friend is? One who loves at all times, someone committed for the long haul, someone who is faithful in tough and turbulent times. A friends is “born for adversity.” They don’t flee in trouble, they are dedicated to the other. The text communicates a number of ideas to us but at the heart, at the base level, it is telling us that a friend is faithful when it’s not convenient. Covenant friendships, then, are commitments to one another with accountability.
What does a covenant friendship look like? Well it’s going to be somewhat unique to the friends involved but I will suggest two things that mark out this type of friendship. First, it involves naming the friendship. When you are a little kid you often become friends with someone simply by asking them: do you want to be friends? As you get older that becomes more awkward, and if you do that with someone you’ve just met they tend to run for the hills. But as we deepen a relationship with someone there should come a point where we speak honestly about the nature of the friendship. We need to say to someone: I need you in my life and I want our friendship to be important to us. Speaking like this shows commitment and desire. It opens up to the other person the option to take that next step with you. Speaking honestly about the relationship and what you’d like it to be is inviting others to make a commitment with you.
Secondly, we are making commitments to one another with accountability. In taking this step with someone we are outright saying to them, not just implying it, but outright saying, “this relationship is important to me and if I start acting like a bad friend call me on it.” We are open to being held accountable – not with blood sacrifices; don’t do that – but we are open to be held accountable to our commitment.
Justin Earley talks about this in his book Made for People and he even talks about how his group of friends decided they really wanted to be committed to one another. And so they actually wrote up a covenant. Now, Earley is an attorney so he’s maybe more used to contracts than other people. You don’t need to necessarily be that formal, but actual demonstrations of loyalty and commitment are part of what it means to make a covenant. We see that with Jonathan and David. So, think about what it might look like in your case to make that kind of commitment.
We have another interesting example of a covenant friendship in Pavel Florensky and Sergei Bulgakov. These were two influential Russian Orthodox Theologians in the 20th century. They were friends before they became converts, as each was pursuing philosophical training. But as they both converted to Christianity their friendship went through its own conversion. They each decided to pursue the truth and follow it wherever it led them, and so they decided they needed to support one another in that pursuit of truth. They actually made vows to one another. They made a promise to each other to support one another in the pursuit of truth and in their commitment to living out their Christian faith. Again, maybe that’s too formal for you, but Covenant friendships make commitments with accountability. Consider what it would look like for you to make that kind of commitment with your friends.
However this plays out for you it is helpful to think of Biblical friendships as something deeper and more real than merely a relationship of mutual convenience and the occasional hangout. Biblical friendships are covenants. And that language of covenant can open up a whole new world for you and your relationships.
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