We are continuing to build a framework for Biblical Friendship. We have offered critiques of our culture, we have explained the problem of loneliness, and we have seen how all friendship points us ultimately to the friendship of God. But we need a constructive framework for friendship. We saw in the last post the significance of proximity. Following quite naturally from proximity is the principle of time. An intentional investment of time is essential for building meaningful connections.
Proximity without an investment of time is useless. If I live in these same town as my friends but I never make time for them then I might as well live a thousand miles away. How spend our time reveals our priorities and in order to develop healthy friendships you must prioritize people. In Ephesians 5 Paul is encouraging the believers to “walk in love” and that love is displayed in the person and work of Jesus who “loved us and gave himself up for us” (v. 2). As Paul explains what walking in love looks like he comes to a summary in verses 15-17 and encourages us to maximize the time we have for this priority. We read:
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Redeeming the time, making the most use of it, means walking in love with others. That is what God has called us to. How you spend your time is important and you won’t build meaningful connections without a significant investment of time.
Time can feel fleeting. In the American west we are prone to fill up our schedules quickly and with all sorts of activities. There’s certainly plenty to do for work, then there’s taking care of the home, and cutting the grass. And then there are the thousands of activities we enroll our children in. We’ve got all sorts of obligations, responsibilities, and commitments that we make and so there seems to be little time left for friends. If you are struggling to prioritize friendships then try these two strategies: (1) invest in activities friends are doing and (2) invite friends into the activities you are already doing.
Building more overlap in your life with friends is a great way to increase time spent together. What are your friends already connected with? How might you join them. Are you looking for a ministry to get plugged into in church? You could certainly join something that you love and want to do, but you could also join a ministry that might be less exciting to you but which your friends are connected with. Maybe you wanted to join choir but your friend is taking a Bible study, so you join the Bible study. Maybe you wanted to serve as a greeter but your friend works the cafe, so you join the cafe team. Or maybe you want your kid to play soccer but instead of joining the league closest to your house you join the one a bit farther out so your can be in the league with your friends. Find ways to create more overlap in your life so that you are more naturally spending time with friends.
In addition, make the invitation for friends to join you. There are all kinds of things that fill up our days but we can ask friends to participate in those activities with us. Do you need to go grocery shopping? Ask another mom to go with you. Do you need to work on the roof of your shed? Invite your friend to help out. Are you going to watch your kids basketball game? Invite a friend to join you. Do you need to change the oil in your car? Ask a friend to drive over and you can work on both cars together. Take advantage of these opportunities to spend time together. Go to the gym together, meal prep together, carpool together, the ideas are endless.
Of course ultimately we have to be willing to make sacrifices. We can’t merely squeeze our friends into our busy lives and expect that to make all the difference. We must plan for time together. I recommend scheduling regular meet-ups. When Krista and I lived in Ohio we had a monthly dinner with friends. International dinners, we called them. Once a month we would get together and we would try some ethnic cuisine and spend the evening eating, talking, laughing, and listening to music. It was wonderful. We would crowd 13 people (adults and children) around our tiny dinning room table and we would eat, but what I most remember is the long conversations that lasted well into the night. Long after dinner was over and the coffee was cold and the music was turned down low, conversations would continue. The investment of time was powerful and such a rich blessing to our friendships. I miss those days.
Time matters. How you spend your time matters. “Make the best use of the time,” because the days are few. Prioritize what God says matters. Prioritize friendships. You can’t be friends with people you don’t spend time with. So, give your friends your time.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 