Church Hurt and Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy is one of the most frequently cited reasons that people leave a church. It is, of course, everywhere, but it is worth unpacking what exactly the term means and how it leads to church hurt. There is a sense of betrayal and disillusionment individuals feel as they discover that the Christians they loved and trusted are not who they professed to be. Hypocrisy always leads to church hurt, even when it doesn’t directly involve us. 

It’s important to start by clarifying the term. It is thrown around often, and yet not every failure to live consistent with our convictions is actually hypocritical. All people are inconsistent, prone to moments of weakness, selfishness, and failure. Christians specifically all still struggle with sin and temptation. Many people, then, both in and out of the church, are inconsistent in their lifestyle. But that is not hypocrisy. “We all stumble in many ways, ” says the Apostle James (James 3:2); and each of us has a sin that entangles us so easily (Hebrews 12:1). All people are inconsistent because none of us is perfect. When we acknowledge our failings, repent of them, and strive to change we are living rightly. That is to say, we believe our convictions, and hold ourselves accountable for not living up to them.

Hypocrisy, however, is quite distinct. The major difference between the struggle with consistency and hypocrisy is found in intent and integrity. They hypocrite feigns to hold certain beliefs and values because of the respect or privilege that it grants them, but their lifestyle does not in any way reflect genuine conviction. They are interested merely in the appearance of virtue, not actual virtue (2 Tim. 3:5). This often leads to a lack of honesty about failure and an unwillingness to make meaningful changes. A person of integrity can acknowledge when they fall short and they are willing to work on changing what caused them to fail. They are open to accountability, but the hypocrite is not. Instead a hypocrite will pretend to be living consistently with their feigned values, even when challenged. Since their convictions are all part of a show they can never admit the inconsistency.

When you discover that key people in your life are actually frauds it can be devastating. In one sense nearly all church hurt is rooted in hypocrisy. Abuse, for example, involves using what God designed for our good and His glory to harm others. So, when we speak of church hurt we are often wrestling with matters of hypocrisy. The impact hypocrisy can have on a church is similar to the impact of all church hurt: erosion of trust, anger, resentment, and crisis of faith. A point worth exploring, however, is that hypocrisy does not have to result in a direct impact on someone in order for it to lead to church hurt.

Take for example the fallout from a disqualified leader. When a pastor is caught and exposed for an adulterous relationship it is certainly a sin against the church, but it is not a direct sin in the way it is against his wife. Yet, discovering that your pastor is a hypocrite can still be devastating and can cause you to distrust spiritual leaders, question God, and become disillusioned with Christianity. It is a betrayal despite not directly involving you. 

Additionally, because hypocrisy affects the church it creates a sense of collective shame. It is not just our pastor, elder, or Bible teacher, whose reputation has been tarnished it is our church’s reputation. The church as a whole, and you as an individual, can feel a sense of shame and responsibility. You can feel the need to explain how this wickedness occurred in your faith community. The exposure of hypocrisy in the church can reinforce the worst stereotypes about Christians and the burden it can place on its members to respond to that, to defend the church, to defend the faith, can be heavy. You feel embarrassed for your church. For some people that sense of shame can be so overwhelming that they feel a longing to distance themselves from it. For some it creates a level of resentment and bitterness that can breed spiritual apathy and lead to a distancing from both the community and the faith itself.

Hypocrisy always affects us, even when it doesn’t directly involve us. Maybe you can relate to this category of hurt. The Lord sees and understands this kind of sorrow too and cares about the hurt caused by failing leaders. In the coming weeks we will begin to explore God’s response to church hurt, but for now identify what has caused your pain and seek to be honest with yourself and with the Lord about it.