The Bible is full of examples of friendship and it is worth meditating on these examples to learn how to be good friends according to Scripture. We have previously explored the examples of David & Jonathan, and the example of the Apostle Paul and his diverse relationships. In concluding this mini-study we should take specific note of the example of Jesus. Jesus’ friendship is often explored through the lens of our salvation, and we will do that, but Jesus also had tangible earthly friends. From Jesus we learn that it is right and good to have close personal friends.
We note, in particular that Jesus had a unique and intimate relationship with the 12 disciples. He spent every day with them. Traveled with them. Ate with them. Slept with them. Yes, he was their teacher but they were also His friends (John 15:15). Jesus had the Twelve and there was a type of closeness that He experienced with them. But even within that group Jesus had a smaller group of friends that the was closer to.
Peter, James, and John were Jesus’ closest friends. These three get a front row seat to the Transfiguration. In His hour of greatest sorrow and most intense stress Jesus invites these three to go with Him deeper into the Garden of Gethsemane and pray. He longed for their support. On the Cross Jesus identifies John as caretaker of His mother. And in His gospel account the Apostle John identifies specifically that Jesus loved Him uniquely – he was the disciple whom Jesus loved. Actually, there is some debate as to whether this title – “the disciple whom Jesus loved” – is identifying John or Lazarus. So, perhaps we should consider Jesus’ friendship with Lazarus next.
Jesus loved Lazarus. John 11 tells us about their relationship. When Lazarus gets sick Mary sends word to Jesus and what does she say in verse 3? “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” Jesus had such a relationship with Lazarus that others knew he loved him. It is because of this love that Jesus decides not to rush to Lazarus. Now, that is a peculiar concept but that is what the text says:
5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. 7 Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.”
The text tells us it was love for Martha, Mary, and Lazarus that motivated Jesus to stay two days longer in the place where he was. Jesus, because He loved them, did not rush to their side. He stayed away. You know the account, and you know what happens, Jesus will go and will raise Lazarus from the dead. We see here that Jesus cares deeply about the spiritual health of His friends. Friendship with Jesus was not merely about their temporal lives; it directed Jesus to consider their eternal souls too. He cared about their relationship with the Father. For us, as Christians, friendship always has a spiritual component to it. Jesus gives us an example of true spiritual friendship here as he prioritizes the spiritual health of his friends.
I think what’s so fascinating about the example of Jesus, though, is that in His earthly life He had layers of friendship. He was clearly friendly to anyone. He welcomed all who wanted to come to Him. He had a group of friends in the disciples whom He genuinely loved, called friends, and did life with. And He had an intimate circle where closer friendship existed. James, Peter, and John got to experience things that others did not. Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were broadly known to be dear to Jesus. We learn from our Lord that it is okay to have close personal friends that get to experience different aspects of us and who walk with us more intimately. In our age of inclusion there is sometimes an avoidance of any notion of exclusivity, but Jesus has close personal friends that are different from the rest. We will explore in later posts the dynamics of exclusion and inclusion and being careful about how we navigate those dynamics in Christian ways, but for the moment we can honor the reality that Jesus had layers of friendship. We too can be friends with many and still have close personal relationships that are uniquely intimate.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 