In developing a theology of friendship it is useful to have not simply principles from Scripture, but examples. The pages of the Bible give us that too. In the previous post I unpacked the example of David and Jonathan, one of the great friendships in all of Scripture. But the Bible gives us some other friendships to explore as well. In the relationships of the Apostle Paul we see a rich diversity that can help us to think about building unconventional friendships.
Paul had a number of close friends that may appear somewhat unconventional to us today. Take, for example, Paul’s relationship with the elders of the Ephesian church in Acts 20. These are the men who assumed leadership of the church that Paul planted in Ephesus. He had spent three years with them and poured his heart and life into them. In Acts 20 Paul is saying his farewell and states plainly that he will not see them again, and look at how they respond in verses 36-38:
After he said this, he knelt down and prayed with all of them. There was a great deal of weeping by everyone. They embraced Paul and kissed him, grieving most of all over his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they escorted him to the ship.
This is hardly consistent with our ideas of a professional relationship. Paul is their mentor, guiding them in how to lead a church. Paul is their pastor, who has taught them for these three years. Yet, their experience of Paul is far more intimate. The thought of losing him elicits deep sorrow. They weep, embrace, kiss, and grieve. We find that principle of friendship affection at play again. This was Paul’s standard practice in the churches he led and the people he mentored. Writing to the Thessalonians church he says:
We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. (1 Thessalonians 2:8)
This is not just mentorship, it is not just spiritual leadership. For Paul this was friendship and intimacy. He could be friends with groups of people. He could experience intimacy with those he led.
We could mention too Paul’s friendship with young Timothy. Paul was a mentor and spiritual father to Timothy. In 1 Timothy 1:2 he calls him his “beloved Son” in the faith. At the end of his life, while in prison, it was Timothy that Paul longed to see (2 Timothy 4:9-13). “Make every effort to come to me soon,” those are Paul’s pleading words to his friend. There was a deep bond and closeness that they shared despite their age. I have friends like this. My first pastorate was under a godly man who became a father figure to me. He shaped me and encouraged me, he has supported me tirelessly. Despite the major age differences when we met, I was in my late 20s and he was in his 50s, he was one of my best friends and remains someone dear to me to date. Paul knew that age was no barrier to meaningful friendship. At the end of his life he believes that Timothy can be good for him.
We could also mention Luke. In Colossians 4:14 Paul refers to him as the “beloved physician.” Paul had grown in affection for this brother and in turn, Luke showed intense loyalty to Paul. In 2 Timothy 4 we read that Paul had been deserted by many of his friends, but he says: only Luke is with me (v. 11). They had travelled together on missionary journeys and they had developed a bond that resulted in Luke’s faithfulness to Paul even while he was in prison.
The list of Paul’s friends could go on. We could mention Priscilla and Aquila, the married couple, of whom Paul says: They risked their lives for me (Rom. 16:3-4). We could speak of Philemon whom Paul called a “dear friend and fellow worker” (Philemon 1:1). Not to mention Barnabas, Onesiphorus, Titus, and John Mark. He was a man of many companions and deep connections.
From Paul we learn, however, that friendship can be diverse. Paul was a single man who could befriend married couples. He was an older man who cold be friends with young men. He was leaders who could befriend those whom he led. Paul shows that Biblical friendship has no boundaries. Our modern world tends to think of friendships in terms of shared stage of life and shared interest (more on that in later posts), but Paul blows that boundary up. He establishes friendship across all kinds of differences and shows us that we can too.
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