The Bible doesn’t merely tell us about the value and importance of friends; Scripture actually gives us examples of good friendship to learn from. We can learn from David & Jonathan, Paul and Timothy, and others. Within the pages of Scripture we find friends who give us a model to emulate.
Some of the examples of friendship found in the Bible, however, can trouble us. There is a level of intimacy and affection that can make modern readers uncomfortable. That often says more about our devaluing of friendship than it does about the nature of the Biblical relationships being analyzed.
The most notable friendship in the Bible is easily David and Jonathan. Here is a friendship that was so deep and so intimate that modern readers cannot accept it as simply a friendship. Many read into the text modern notions of homosexuality and determine David and Jonathan were secretly lovers. But what’s so interesting about that interpretation is that it says more about how we’ve devalued friendship than it does about David and Jonathan’s romance. We are so deprived in the area of friendship that we cannot fathom a friendship that close and that intimate.The ancients, of course, could and that’s why this story reads the way it does. In fact, historically, friendships has been far more valued than it is today; and the love between friends much more frequently praised.
The truth is that we have lost any real sense of the significance of friendship, but historically it has been one of the most beloved gifts of life. C.S. Lewis stated plainly:
To the Ancients, friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it.
He is right, the ancient world saw friendship exceedingly different from how we view it. They praised friendship as the most important relationship a person could have. Friendship was spiritual in some sense, it was the purest of loves, they claimed. But we do not see friendship as all that important, at least not as adults. Friends are nice if you can have them, but they are a luxury not a necessity. Compare that mentality with the words of Augustine, the great church father of the 3rdCentury. In a sermon he said this:
Two things are essential in this world – life, and friendship. Both must be prized highly, and not undervalued.
We can appreciate the importance of “life” as an essential to being in the world. We get that. We need life. But Augustine believed friendship to be as equally important as life. That’s startlingly different from our perception. Likewise, Jonathan Edwards, the great American theologian, believed similarly. Friendship, he wrote, is the “highest happiness of all moral agents.” We could continue on like this, quoting from Christians throughout the centuries. We could make mention of Martin Luther and John Calvin during the Reformation. We could go back further into early church fathers and speak of Gregory of Nazianzus. We could make mention of Aerlad of Rilveaux in the Middle Ages who wrote an entire book on Spiritual Friendship (but we will look more at him later on). Historically, Christians have given high praise to friendship. It is us, in the modern age, that seems so confused about friendship that we can only see intimacy as a romantic quality. the Bible challenges us, and it does so particularly in the example of David and Jonathan.
Let’s look at more closely at their friendship. Several texts give us insight into their nature of the connection with one another. Read 1 Samuel 17:57-18:4; 1 Samuel 19:1; 1 Samuel 20:17, 41-42; and 2 Samuel 1:26. In these passages we find David and Jonathan are committed to one another, have great affection for one another, and share an intimacy that is deep. There are many things we can learn from their example but here two takeaways from David and Jonathan’s friendship
First, friends should not be afraid to show affection to one another. Our culture has made it such that the only affection that exists is romantic or erotic affection, but the Bible reveals there is a way to love one another within friendship. David and Jonathan weep with one another, kiss one another, and embrace one another. This isn’t erotic its the affection of genuine friendship. We should be willing to explore that because it enhances and strengthens our friendships when we do. David and Jonathan show genuine affection for one another because that’s what true friends do.
Second, friends should make commitments to one another. We will explore this idea more fully in another post, but notice that David and Jonathan aren’t just casual buddies. They have made a Covenant with one another. They are committed and loyal. One of the great weaknesses of modern friendship is how disposable it seems to be. Friends can come and go. We can drop them when they are no longer convenient or useful. But Scripture paints a picture of covenantal friendship. Friends make commitments to one another and standby those commitments. Liked David and Jonathan we even hold one another to those commitments.
We will see that David and Jonathan are not the ultimate example of friendship in the pages of Scripture but they certainly give us much to reflect on and appreciate. The Bible gives us a good example of what it looks like to be a faithful friend in the life and love of David and Jonathan.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 