Chronic loneliness is devastating to soul and body. We were made to be in relationship, but our culture is built to breed loneliness and isolation. We must recover a theology of friendship because our culture of loneliness is killing us.
If that seems dramatic its only because you’ve missed some important recent news regarding our national health. Back in 2023 the U.S. Surgeon General released a report on the “Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” The findings of this research are staggering. Loneliness has stricken our country in such a devastating way that it has generated measurable forms of health consequences. Long-term isolation, the report tells us, leads to a 29% increase in heart disease, a 32% increase in risk of stroke, a 50% increased risk of developing dementia, and premature death. In fact, “premature death levels are comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day” (Summers, Acovino, and Intagliata). And this only documents the physiological concerns. It doesn’t mention the toll that loneliness takes on our mental health. A loss of human connection breeds anxiety, stress, depression, agitation, and difficulty sleeping. In some cases it can create feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. We need people!
As a nation, we have been on this trajectory for a long time. Modern America culture prioritizes autonomy and expressive individualism over all. This means that their view of humanity and of a meaningful life focuses on your right to define yourself and live independently of others. You belong to yourself and no one has a right to tell you how to live, put expectations on you, or set boundaries for you. You must be completely independent and perfectly free to live however you want to live at all times. The net result of this idea of life, however, is that we are constantly living alone.
This has been a growing trend since 1950. In his brilliant and ground-breaking book Bowling Alone, author and sociologist Robert Putnam analyzes the decline in America’s social capital. The book was published in 2000, it was an expansion of an essay he wrote in 1995, but he demonstrates that Americans were becoming increasingly disconnected from one another. He explores the decline in civic participation and social organizations. Bowling leagues, for example, were, at one time, highly popular, and now are very poorly engaged in. And, from our stand point, what was a concerning trend in 95 and 2000 has only dramatically increased. Thus the Surgeon General’s alarm. COVID exacerbated these trends and concerns, but they existed long before the virus and the corresponding lockdown.
There are a number of contributing factors to our loneliness problem: an emphasis on productivity, advances in technology, changes in work patterns, and transitory lifestyles. In coming posts it will be worth analyzing these factors specifically. The reality of this dynamic in modern American culture is that we are often encouraged to live for ourselves and by ourselves and we know that this is not how God made us.
And, quite honestly, the church is only superficially better. At the experiential level many Christians feel only slightly less disconnected and discouraged as their secular counterparts. We have allowed schedules, pressures, entertainment, and work/school to rule our lives to such a degree that we have little time for connection. We want it, we all want it, but we can’t seem to find it or keep it. The church needs to work hard to improve this cultural problem and encourage Christians to live differently.
We need people. Indeed, we were made for people! We have an epidemic of loneliness in American culture, and in the American church, in part because we have lost sight of the importance of friendship. We must recover a theology of friendship because our culture of loneliness is truly killing us.
Sparrow & Heart Soul Care 