Dating According to the Bible?: Joy and Obedience

Joy in a relationship doesn’t just happen! It’s not something that just naturally evolves from an existing relationship, it is something that requires constant and consistent activity on the part of those involved in dating. And often all the things that people think will make them happy in a relationship actually end up doing more harm than good. That’s because according to Scripture, lasting joy is contingent upon obedience to God’s Word. This is especially true in relationships.

There are those who think that when their dating relationship gets a bit stale or frustrating then what they need is to “take things to the next level.” Usually this means something like start sleeping together, move-in together, or get married. But none of those things will result in long-term lasting happiness if it is either rooted in disobedience or not accompanied by faithfulness to God’s Word. God spells out for us how we can find lasting joy. And these principles can easily be applied to your dating.

Psalm 145:19a states that God “fulfills the desire of those who fear him.” If you don’t have respect and awe for God then don’t expect Him to give you joy. The two are incompatible. Proverbs 1:29-31 spells out what happens when people reject God. The author writes:

²⁹ Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD,  ³⁰ would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof,  ³¹ therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices.

God leaves them to eat the joyless fruit of their sinful labor because they refuse to submit to Him. Joy comes from obedience, not from doing whatever you want. It seems contradictory to us, but that is because we think we know better than God. This is always especially evident to me as I counsel young couples.

I’ve met with plenty of young couples who says, “I know that you think it’s wrong for us to sleep together/move-in together, but we just think it’s the right thing to do.” They have their litany of excuses for why it is right, good, and important for them. Everyone always thinks they are the exception to the norm. But what I point out to them, and what I point out to you, reader, is that God does not honor and bless disobedience. If you would seek joy in your relationship you must find it within the confines of God’s requirements.

Matthew 5:6 tells us that those who are happy are those who “hunger and thirst for righteousness,” and Jesus adds that they will be “satisfied.” But perhaps one of the most blatant passages on the subject in all of Scripture is to be found in John 15:10-11. Here Jesus spells out the connection between obedience and joy. He says:

¹⁰ If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.  ¹¹ These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Jesus tells us if we keep His commandments then our relationship with him remains undisturbed. And as we stay close to Jesus we will have full joy. You see the real problem with disobedience is that it interrupts our communion with God. And as it does it interrupts our joy. We can only find true lasting joy in God (see last week’s post), but that can lead to joy in our relationships too.

When we try to find it more in our relationship, which is what all people do (even Christians), then we will inevitably be led to sin. Obedience is what keeps our relationship with Jesus growing, and as we seek to find our joy in Him it will often translate into finding joy in our relationships. If then, friends, you want to find joy in your relationships, by obedient to God. If, however, you’d like to see them fall apart, then do whatever you want.