What Do I Do When My Community Annoys Me?

A non-Christian I met one time said, quite frankly, that his problem with Christianity is that most Christians just annoy him. It was a fair and honest response. If I am being honest I might add that Christians sometimes annoy me too, in fact sometimes Christians annoy me even more than my non-Christian friends. If we’re all honest I think we can say that there are times when we all feel like strangling our “beloved” brothers and sisters in Christ. It makes sense on one leve; we are, after all, all still struggling with sin and imperfection. Nobody is perfect, not even Sister Bertha! But what are Christians suppose to do when their community annoys them? The Bible, as usual, gives us direction on the matter.

First, it should be said that abandoning your church because it’s full of obnoxious Christians is not an option (remember you are probably one of those obnoxious Christians to somebody else in the congregation). The Bible speaks clearly about not forsaking the assembly. It also clarifies that we are to look past one another’s faults and dispositions in the name of love. Note that I did not say look past one another’s sins, but there is a distinction. The fact that someone talks too much, likes old hymns instead of new praise music, smells like cheap aftershave, and is too “bubbly” for your comfort does not constitute sinfulness in that person. One of the amazing qualities of the church is that Christ has pulled together a group of people from different backgrounds, social and ethnic classes, and of different character to be one body. Our differences, though sometimes frustrating, bring glory to God in the flock of the gathered. What this means practically, then, is that we must evaluate our frustration and determine what, if anything specifically, frustrates us about others. It may be simply that we have a bad attitude and we need to repent, not them.

Second, remind yourself that you, individually, as a Christian and a church member are to love like Jesus loves. What this means is that you are to love inspite of your annoyance, after all that’s what Jesus did. Think how infinitely more annoying to the Savior you and I are than those fellow church members are to us. Jesus loved us when we were still “sinners,” the Scriptures tell us. That is infinitely more obnoxious and frustrating than the fellow whose eschatology is different than yours. The church embodies the love of Christ and if we can’t even love one another what will it communicate to the lost world about the love of Jesus? Think hard about your attitude, and less about their frustrating points.

Much of the furstation that people in churches feel comes from the lack of perspective. We want what we want, when we want it, and exactly how we want it. Add to this the idea that many of us think we deserve it and you have problems just waiting to happen. Paul writes to the Philippians, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (2:3-4). The decline among churches to see their membership in the body as a covenanting together with other Christians to seek their own spiritual growth along with that of their fellow members has nearly cemented this failure of love in community. We would all do wise to return to the concept, at least in theory if not in actual practice, of covenanting together. To covenant is to commit, make a solemn promise, etc. that we will pursue the spiritual development of our friends with the same zeal as we pursue our own. Community is not temporary, it is for life, so get use to frustration and learn how to respond in a godly manner to it!

This is not to suggest that there are not reasons and justifications for leaving a fellowship. There most definately are solid, biblical, and practical reasons. But we should each be careful and move slowly in leaving a church, remembering always what it means to have community and how we are to grow among them. Even annoying congregations teach us something…sanctification comes through all sorts of venues, friends.